


When You Lie Next To Me

by CobaltStargazer



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Canon Divergence, Developing Relationship, F/F, Mentions of alcoholism, Platonic Cuddling, Starting Over
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-08
Updated: 2014-09-08
Packaged: 2018-02-16 15:03:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2274264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CobaltStargazer/pseuds/CobaltStargazer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It isn't a do-over. It's something similar, though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When You Lie Next To Me

Was it really dating if one of them was only separated, not divorced? Erin wasn't sure she wanted to ask the question.

She and Alex _had_ been seeing each other since James had moved out. They'd go to dinner, or sometimes they'd see a movie. They'd hold hands in public. That was the difficult part, being open. Trying to figure out how to have a relationship after having to hide it in the past was a blank page, one that had yet to be written on. The blonde was a little afraid to press for more. She wanted intimacy, partly because that had always been the easy part between them, but between the drinking and her terrible blunder in the past she felt as if she already had two strikes against her. To push for something the linguist wasn't ready for might be the third.

For her part, the brunette was enjoying just being with the other woman. It felt good, honest, to not have to sneak around anymore. James' absence from her life still hurt, and she fretted over what he must have been going through, but then Erin would smile at her and those worries would be eased. She was trying to respect the limits that had been set.

Not that she didn't think about sex, because she did. Even when she'd hated Erin, she'd remembered her as being sexy, _gorgeous_ , and she wondered if it would be different to go to bed with her now that everything was out in the open. But she simultaneously wanted to give it time, let things settle. She still had a husband, so as much as she wanted Erin to touch her again, she was keeping that on hold.

It got dark early now that it was November, and the two of them were returning to Erin's house from a movie. The night was cold, and they were both wearing coats and gloves. Alex's car was in the driveway, waiting for her to return to it. There was a long pause after the engine shut off, and they looked at each other. 

"You want to come in? I can make some coffee."

"Sure." Alex said it almost before Erin finished the sentence, then dropped her gaze to her lap. The blonde's mouth tucked in at the corners as she fought the smile, and she opened the door, then clunked it shut as she got out. Good, the other woman was as anxious as she was. Alex was so reserved that it was sometimes difficult to tell how she felt. She unlocked the house. She left a light on in the living room, and she turned on another lamp as she made her way into the kitchen, depositing her coat and gloves on the couch.

The linguist peeled off her gloves, unbuttoned her coat. She could hear the other woman rattling around in the other room. It was so _odd_ to be in this house after all that happened. Odd but welcome. She settled her weight in a chair as the blonde came back and took a seat on the couch. 

"It'll be done in a few minutes," she said, and the silence was comfortable. 

"I had a really good time tonight," Alex said. "I feel a little guilty about it, I guess, but I did."

"Have you heard from James?"

"No, and I don't expect to. Dave said he left a few voicemails, and he got a very polite but very firm 'leave me alone'." 

"Dave's a dear man," Erin said. "But I suppose it is best for him to stay out of this."

The blonde looked at the other woman, and a frown-line appeared between her eyebrows. "Do you feel guilty at being with me in general? I know that this is a difficult time for you, so if it seems like I've been pressuring you..."

"No." Alex shook her head firmly. " _No_. If I'm hesitant it's because of me, not because of you. I don't know what your stress level is like because of this, but given what you went through with being forced to drink, you might be feeling a little shaky."

The frankness between them was new, as they'd seldom addressed really personal matters in the past. Erin cleared her throat. She needed to be just as honest.

"I do feel a bit shaky." The admission was difficult, but she managed not to stammer when she made it. "I've been in contact with my AA sponsor a lot more often than I was when I first felt secure in being sober. She says to just take it one day at a time, the way I did before. She also advised me to take meetings when I need them. I went back to my old group. Some familiar faces were still there/"

The brunette dropped her gaze to her hands, where her wedding ring still occupied one finger. Should she take it off? If she did, would it be an admission that the marriage was over? James was most likely licking his wounds, at least if he wasn't still simply being furious. If she took the ring off, would he sense it? Ridiculous thoughts.

"Look at me, Alex."

Dark eyes lifted, and Erin smiled. "We're going to do it the right way this time If that means not doing what I want to do, which is whisk you off to bed, I accept that." Her smile widened at the slight pink tinge that touched the brunette's cheeks at the words. Alex didn't blush that often, either. Well, unless they were in bed, and that wasn't so much a blush as a flush. The blonde got up and headed towards the kitchen, trying to keep her mind from sliding into the gutter.

When she brought the coffee back in two cups, they drank it in silence. Alex was wondering if she should excuse herself and go home afterwards. The house was quiet without James in it, quiet and lonely, but these three months needed to be a time for reflection. Whatever did or didn't happen with Erin, she didn't want it to be because she was lonely. She had to be smart about it.

For her part, the other woman was just savoring the idea of another chance. She'd resigned herself to the fact that they couldn't start over from scratch, but given what had happened the last time they were involved, that might not be such a terrible thing. She'd meant what she said, she wanted to take the right steps this time around. Erin let out a soft chuckle, and Alex looked over at her.

"What?" 

"Nothing. It's silly."

"I don't care. Tell me."

"It's been a long time since I've had a girlfriend. That people knew about, I mean. If it's going to be you, I'm glad."

Alex put her cup down and joined Erin on the couch, and the hug lasted a few minutes. Just to hold her, to feel that warm body in her arms, made everything better. It still made her shudder to know that she'd nearly lost her, that that bastard Curtis had almost won. 

"Stay with me tonight." The blonde murmured it into the linguist's ear. "As friends. We can even sleep in our clothes if you'd like. I just want you near me when I wake up."

Alex could only nod, but she did risk dropping a kiss on the other woman's cheek before she pulled away. She took Erin's hands as they rose to their feet. The stairs seemed impossibly steep when they reached the bottom of them.

The brunette had never been in Erin's bedroom at home, and she took her shoes off before hovering uncertainly near the bed. Had the blonde slept with her husband here, been intimate with him? Had she brought David upstairs for more than sleep? Alex realized she was worrying her lower lip, and she made herself stop doing it.

The blonde saw the expression, and she let the silence linger until Alex met her eyes. Her smile was wry as she shook her head. "The answer to your question is no, they were never here. Paul had a separate room, and David preferred his place. You're the first person I've asked to stay."

The linguist's expression cramped with emotion, but her voice was steady when she said, "You scare the hell out of me sometimes, Erin. It's as if you're psychic."

"I'm not psychic," the other woman said with dry amusement. "If I was, I'd have foreseen you even thinking of coming back to me."

She had taken off her own shoes by then, and the two of them began to get comfortable. The lamp was on, and the room was thrown into darkness when Erin switched it off. She could hear Alex breathing softly. After a few minutes, the brunette scooted closer on the mattress, and as naturally as drawing breath, they embraced. The blonde closed her eyes, feeling the linguist press her face into the crook of her neck. Her arms tightened. Here in the dark, there was only Alex and Erin, trying to start over.


End file.
